The 'perfect' life
Over the years I have developed this crazy idea that life should be perfect, free from any mistakes. And.. I should then be perfect. This decision probably happened in a moment in time, all of the sudden but then expanded over the years, step by step, experience after experience. Unconsciously and sometimes consciously I have been convincing myself I always need to be shiny, confident, and knowledgeable. I can't possibly mess up, show any weaknesses or be vulnerable. You may think that this couldn't last too long. Well, I promise, all this 'acting' has been going on forever and knowing about it and analysing hasn't made much difference. A while ago something shifted for me, I started creating some space for freedom and compassion for myself. I created a 'game' in which - no matter what was happening - I would never judge or blame myself. It worked well for a while as it was kind of like a 'rule' I put on my life. There was a sort of fun linked to this game. Till the moment when I noticed that the need of looking good in front of people was coming back. I was saying to myself: 'No one is really being open and vulnerable, why should I be?' So, stuck in my righteous decision, I went back to my previous beliefs. Again, it just happened gradually and I didn't even realise it.
But they say that you can't hide your authentic Self. Somehow, it will just take over at the certain point. When I freshly saw how powerful and inspiring being open and authentic can be, I chose again to go for it. This relates to my Yoga practice, teaching, and all the other areas of my life. If you think of the term Yoga itself: union from the root 'yug' (to join) one can really notice the fact that if we bring ourselves to a place where everything we say and we do is authentic to who we are, then there is no other experience than being fully ourselves.
So, how do we get authentic with ourselves? Well, we can start looking at all the places in our life that we feel are not the expression of ourselves. Our work, our relationships, the words we say, the things we do in our spare time. Are all these a sacred expression of our authentic Self, or do they come from something like 'I need to be perfect, there is something wrong?' or 'I need to survive'. Take a look and let go. Let go things that don't serve anymore and be a leader in those fields where you feel that you can contribute fully because those represent your self expression. Be authentic even when others are not, take this courageous step, and stand for your values. Your community, family, and the world needs people who speak their truth. Who bring everything together in 'yoga'.