The Day I Stopped Running
We run, we run, but where are we going?
Taking some time off is always a good idea. That's what I have been told for years. But taking some time off from what? From a crazy-erratic-hysteric routine that we call life? Or is life underneath all this, hidden from our view?
My personality always tends to overdo. I just love movement and doing stuff. I get excited about goals, achievements, challenges. The good news is that I find myself being very happy when I am in the 'doing' part of my life. It is easy though for me to slip into the 'overdoing'. Into the 'do a little bit more it won't hurt you'. I often become numb till not realising how tired, stressed, and worried I am.
For some reasons I have an ingrained idea that doing is better than not-doing. Fast is cooler than slow. It's just a silly opinion I have in my head, and I never really searched or celebrated slowness.
When I stopped, 2 months ago, after spending the first week in the ashram in India, it was miraculous. Almost like a new life experience. Not that my life was new. Not that I was new. Just a sense of relief and simplicity and beauty that I never really considered to be so attractive. Life became all of the sudden so simple and even more beautiful. Less competitive, less scary, less demanding. All of the sudden all the pressures I put on myself were gone. All that working hard didn't really matter anymore. In fact, why does it even matter to fight that hard? To struggle? Where was I even going?
So, I am now looking for a middle path where my dynamic nature can melt into a more simple and slow life. Where there is less striving for something and more enjoying. Where there is less attachment to achievement and more being. Just being.
It's an adventure, it's a journey... every day...
To be continued...